Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
