She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
