This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
