3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize