why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Randomize
