I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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