dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
