Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Randomize