I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Randomize
