Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
