see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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