i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
