People in love make me want to vomit
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize