I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
