Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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