pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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