New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
