She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize