I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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