So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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