We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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