please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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