Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
