i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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