oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
