He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
