sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
