I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
This toilet bowl is my home.
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