I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize