There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
