Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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