you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
