I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
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