I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
