I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
