it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
