is your mom at the bar?
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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