Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
