I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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