how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
