jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
God gave him joint rollers for hands
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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