i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
