you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
