4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize