I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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