This dress was meant to end up on your floor
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
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