By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
