His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
