what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
