Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
