The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
