who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
