Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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