only you would photoshop your dick
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
