Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
