Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
