The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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