I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
