Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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