Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
