I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
