His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I know her cup size but not her name....
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
