I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Randomize
