WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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