If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
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