he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
