I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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