worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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