Im at strip club and am horny
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
