i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
