wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I seem to have left my pride at pride
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
as a side note pls kill me
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
