god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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