my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
