Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
