With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I can't put those talents on a resume
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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