I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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