I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
