i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
