dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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