I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Randomize
