DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Found the puke drawer
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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