I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
