It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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