I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I enjoy the company of your penis
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
im on a boat
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