Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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