He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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