Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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