ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
