I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Randomize
