Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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