I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
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