There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
