I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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