i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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