had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
