Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Your dad touched me again.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
