So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
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