he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
