I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Randomize
